Infertility can cause depression.

As many as 52% of women experiencing infertility have reported anxiety or depression.

What’s more, the issue doesn’t just stay with one partner. It strongly affects the other and negatively impacts the relationship.

It makes conceiving even more of a challenge, and a vicious cycle ensues.

This post hopes to help couples remain emotionally grounded while moving through one of the most psychologically exhausting phases of their lives.

The 5 Emotional Do’s and Don’ts for Couples Trying to Conceive

#1

DO: Talk like lovers

DON’T: Talk like colleagues

One of the cruelest things infertility does is quietly change the way couples speak to each other.

Without noticing it, many couples stop talking like lovers and start talking like colleagues who are trying to solve a problem.

Researchers have repeatedly found that communication quality plays a major role in how couples cope with infertility. A 2024 study published in Reproductive Health found that stronger couple collaboration was associated with better psychological well-being during assisted reproductive treatment.

Couples tend to do better emotionally when their coping styles are compatible and when communication remains supportive rather than adversarial. But the problem is that issues like infertility tend to highlight the differences between individuals, so one may be hyper-focused on action, like researching clinics at 2 AM, while the other might be withdrawn, avoiding difficult conversations.

Both people may believe they are helping the relationship while accidentally making the other person feel alone.

The change doesn’t happen overnight, but through hundreds of small conversations that slowly lose warmth. What used to feel like connection starts sounding like coordination. Not because love is gone, but because stress quietly takes over the language of daily life.

A couple that once spoke like this:

“I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

Slowly starts speaking like this:

“Did you take your meds?”
“What time is your appointment?”
“We need to calculate the next cycle.”

The antidote for this starts with the awareness that this is happening. When a large part of the communication becomes all about the fertility “project,” when things become more about coordination rather than connection, all the other equally important aspects of the relationship get pushed to the background.

Not everything is about infertility and treatment.

#2

DO: Protect Moments of Intimacy and Affection

DON’T: Let Sex Become A Medical Appointment

Infertility stress has been linked to lower desire and sexual satisfaction for both men and women.

While both partners are affected, women often experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and lower self-esteem related to infertility.

Men, for their part, often experience performance anxiety, which worsens the sexual relationship.

It is such a libido killer when what once felt spontaneous starts revolving around ovulation windows, hormone schedules, fertility apps, and timing charts. Intimacy becomes measured in percentages and probabilities.

As we’ve talked about earlier, that coldness in communication pervades the bedroom, and couples go from “Can’t wait to see you tonight,” to “The app says today is the day.”

Couples become “goal-oriented” instead of being emotionally fulfilling. And sex becomes this high-pressure, non-spontaneous, procreation-centered activity.

This is where many relationships begin developing quiet resentment.

Couples can fight back by bringing back those “intimacy without a purpose” moments:

Holding hands while doing nothing
Sitting close, “just because…”
Hugging without transitioning into a conversation about treatment
Kisses, teasing, and flirtation without a hidden agenda or it needing to “lead somewhere.”

#3

DO: Ask for What You Need Clearly

DON’T: Expect Your Partner to Automatically “Get It”

Emotional needs shift frequently and often without warning:

Some days you need reassurance
Some days you need distraction
Some days you need silence
Some days you need physical closeness
Some days you can’t explain what you need at all

The problem is that most partners are guessing instead of being told directly.

And guessing, under emotional pressure, is sure trouble.

For example, a partner comes home quiet after a failed cycle. The other says nothing, thinking:

“I don’t want to overwhelm them.”

But the quiet partner interprets it as:

“They don’t care enough to ask.”

Or:

One partner is overwhelmed and shuts down emotionally. The other responds by pulling away to “give space.”

But what was actually needed was closeness, not distance.

These mismatches are incredibly common and completely unintentional.

So here are four communicative habits couples can use during these trying times:

1. Name the Emotional Need.

Remove guesswork from the interaction. Instead of expecting your partner to interpret your mood, say it directly:

“I need comfort right now, not solutions.”
“I feel overwhelmed and just need you close.”
“I’m not ready to talk about next steps yet.”

2. Give Your Partner a Clear Role.

People cope better when they know how to respond.

Try:

“Can you just sit with me for a while?”
“Can we go for a walk without talking about this?”
“Can you hold me? I don’t need advice.”

This prevents the common pattern of one partner trying to “fix” when the other only needed to be “seen.”

3. Clarify What Distance Actually Means (when you need it)

Sometimes space is needed, but it should not be silent or ambiguous.

Instead of disappearing emotionally, try:

“I’m feeling overwhelmed. I need a little quiet time, but I’m not pulling away from you.”
“I care about you. I just need a moment to process.”

This prevents distance from being misread as rejection.

4. Make Check-ins Part of Your Interaction

Emotional drift is subtle and doesn’t happen overnight. Couples should be alert so resentment doesn’t fester or go unchecked.

“When I got quiet earlier, I was trying to cope, not shut you out. I hope it was okay.”
“I noticed we felt a bit off today. Is there something we need to discuss? Or do you need anything from me?”

These small check-ins repair misunderstandings before they grow.

#4

DO: Respect Each Other’s Different Emotional Reactions

DON’T: Compare Who Is Hurting More

Problems rarely hurt both partners in the same way, at the same speed, or handled with the same coping mechanism.

One person may cry after every failed cycle. The other may immediately ask about next steps.

One may want constant conversation. The other may need silence to process emotions.

One may openly grieve. The other may become emotionally numb.

These differences can become very confusing in a relationship when people expect emotional reactions to be identical.

But research shows that there are common gender differences in how partners cope with infertility. Men and women often experience infertility distress differently, even when the overall emotional burden is equally significant.

Women are more prone to exhibit signs of depression, stress, anxiety, stigma, and shame.

Men are more solution-oriented and less likely to seek emotional support, often not showing signs of emotional vulnerability.

This is where many couples accidentally start wounding each other.

A wife may think:

“If he really cared, he’d talk about this more.”

Meanwhile, her husband may think:

“If I fall apart too, who’s going to hold us together?”

One partner becomes consumed by grief while the other appears emotionally detached simply because they process stress internally.

Over time, assumptions harden into resentment:

“You don’t understand how painful this is.”
“You act like nothing happened.”
“I feel alone.”
“I’m carrying all the emotional weight.”

Again, that emotional mismatch can create a dangerous cycle:

One partner pursues an emotional discussion
The other withdraws
The pursuit intensifies
The withdrawal deepens

Soon, the real conflict is no longer about infertility itself. It is feeling emotionally unseen by the person closest to you.

That’s why couples need to understand that individuals, particularly men and women, have different reactions to problems.

The strongest couples are not the ones who react identically. They are the ones who stop treating different coping styles as evidence of different levels of love.

And once couples begin recognizing each other’s emotional reality instead of competing with it, they become far more capable of handling the challenge.

#5

DO: Recognize When Outside Support Is Needed

DON’T: Assume You Have to Carry This Alone as a Couple

Many couples try to be each other’s only emotional outlet.

Infertility still holds stigma in the Philippine setting, and many couples avoid opening up because they are tired of:

insensitive advice
invasive questions
toxic positivity
pity
comparisons
stories about how “it happened naturally once they stopped trying”

Some people even stop sharing updates entirely because every conversation starts feeling emotionally dangerous.

So they end up being insulated and end up solely each other’s: motivator, therapist, emotional stabilizer, researcher, crisis manager.

But there’s a hidden danger in making your partner your only support system.

Don’t get me wrong, couples absolutely should support each other emotionally, but problems arise when each person becomes the other’s entire emotional infrastructure.

That creates enormous pressure inside the relationship.

For example:

A husband may suppress his own grief because:

“She’s already hurting enough.”

A wife may stop expressing fear because:

“I don’t want him to lose hope, too.”

Both people start emotionally editing themselves in an attempt to protect the other.

Ironically, this results in more emotional distance, not less.

On the other hand, research has shown that supportive social interactions significantly lower stress levels for both men and women. And it has a beneficial effect on their health and well-being as well.

Support can include:

a therapist experienced in reproductive stress
a support group for infertility
trusted friends who can hold space without judgment

Bringing in support does not weaken the couple. It protects them from emotional overload.

A couple must find supportive groups. There are numerous online communities built exactly for this, and couples would do themselves a great favor by joining them.

Infertility has a way of making couples feel as though life is permanently on hold until good news finally arrives. But relationships cannot survive indefinitely in “waiting mode.” They still need affection, humor, rest, and emotional safety even while uncertainty continues.

Because at its core, this experience is not only about trying to create a child. It is also about protecting the relationship that started the dream in the first place.

BloodWorks Lab is your partner in this journey, providing you with fertility tests, like the APAS Panel, that your doctor may require. With fast and reliable results, you’ll be able to take on the next steps well-informed and with confidence.

Book your appointment today.

Our branches are in Alabang, Katipunan, and Cebu.